Month: July 2017

Hi again.

Thanks for all the support and thoughts and vibes and prayers and whatnot from my last post. This is a bit cathartic for me, so it’s very much appreciated that you’ve all paid attention and reached out and cared. Anymore, it seems that people don’t really do a lot of either side of this – the sharing “hard stuff” and the reaching out genuinely part…so I really do appreciate it. It means a lot. 

That said, I got some more tough news yesterday on my way back from visiting my parents for the 4th in Ohio. I was sitting in the airport in Columbus, about 30 minutes away from boarding my flight, and the vet’s assistant called and asked to confirm my email address…which they absolutely have – so I knew it wasn’t great news. After that confirmation, they said to call the doc after I read everything as he’d like to talk to me about his recommendations and options. 

Long and short of it is that it’s not too good. There were 15 things they checked, and 9 of them are “abnormal.” I won’t get into those things here because after a call today, the doc let me know that some of those are just “12-year-old dog” abnormal, and some of them have to do with the tumor on his liver. That’s where some more clarity came out. Turns out it’s two tumors on different sides. The one that’s the big – literally and figuratively – issue…turns out it’s 11.3 by 15.1 by 11.8 cm large. On his liver. There’s a little internal bleeding, but the doc said for a tumor that large, it’s not abnormal to have a little bloodflow within the tumor. 

He then told me my options. My gut told me that it’s a “maintain a healthy, happy pup as long as he can be one, and then let him go” but I was anxious to hear the docs reco. He said something along the lines of “if you wanted to do surgery, I just have to tell you that it’s a very, very intrusive surgery at a specialist, and we’re looking at $8-$10k just for the surgery. After that, it’s potentially multiple blood transfusions, chemo, and a lot of trips in and out of the hospital.” Well, I have a credit card and could make that happen, but I don’t want the last part of Bo’s life to be in and out of hospitals. That’s for sure. I asked the doc what his reco would be if it was his dog, and he essentially echoed my thoughts. He’s known Bo for 6+ years, and he’s been awesome, and he knows how well I take care of Bo, and he basically said that he’d be happy to do whatever I want, but did I want to have Bo in and out of hospitals, or do I want to spoil the hell out of him for the next however long he has? I choose the latter.

I asked what happens if the tumor ruptures. He said that if that were to happen, Bo would noticeably slow down even more than he is right now, and although he wouldn’t be in too much pain, he’d be uncomfortable, and that’s not the type of thing that can be recovered from. He also mentioned that the possibility of rupture would be there even if they took a sample of the tumor if I were to choose to do the $8-$10k surgery. I also asked, with the understanding that he’s a busy doctor with a lot of priorities, that if it would be possible – I’d like him to be there when it gets to a time when it’s time for Bo to go. He said he’d absolutely be there, and to call, or email, or anything and he’d make sure he’d be there. Then he walked me through exactly what would happen, whenever I choose for that if it comes to that.

Doc said Bo might make it 6 months. Knowing Bo, that might mean a year because he’s a stubborn old fart. Ideally, I’d like him to make it past September, because mom and dad are coming out to California for a trip, and I’d like them to see him before he kicks the bucket. I’m calling my shot, but he’s officially going to be a service dog by that point because their hotel only allows them. #Amazon #dontcare

Suffice it to say, I’ve been a bit emotional today. I’ll probably be a bit emotional in the coming days/weeks/months? Right now, he’s laying on the ground sleeping like the big dumb dog he is, and nowadays, he lets me cuddle the hell out of him whenever I want. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. I don’t care that he wakes me up anymore. I literally embrace it. I’m gonna miss his stank ass breath at eye level at 5 in the morning at some point. 

Positive vibes appreciated. Here’s hoping he makes it through September. I’ll update more as I have more feels. 

This is going to be a weird one – which might end up leading to multiple weird ones, unfortunately. If you’re not in the mood for something sad, just FYI, this is going to be kinda sad. 

Since about a month before I went to Thailand, Bo was acting weird sporadically. He’d wake me up at all hours of the night, seemingly to just wake me up. When I woke up, got moving, made coffee, etc, he’d just flop down and go back to sleep. He’s caused me MANY an awful, sleepless nights since then, which has been tough – selfishly. 

Because it was frequent, however inconsistently frequent it was, I started looking into it more. I called my vet, and he suggested trying a few things that essentially link to dogs (like humans) growing older. I tried anti-anxiety meds which didn’t work, I tried senility-slowing chew tabs, which don’t really work, went in and got him checked out and everything seemed fine. But it kept happening. Ended up going back into the vet for blood work, and a few days later found out that his numbers for these things called “Liver Enzymes” were way high. Turns out there are four different things they check for, and three of them were high. One was off the charts high – to the point of it’s supposed to be between 5 and 100, and his was 750. So…that’s not normal. Doc suggests that preliminarily, it looks like it could be something called Cushing’s Disease. I won’t go into what all that can mean, but it’s not debilitating, it’s not the best. He sent the bloodwork to a specialist and a few days later, the specialist suggested more tests. Doc suggested I come in to have Bo get an ultrasound from one of the top Docs in the country to do it. She infrequently goes to the clinic, because she travels around so much, and it’s so specialized, but she was there today and thus, I took Bo to get an ultrasound.

I didn’t realize it, because I wasn’t told (though I could have probably assumed?) but they had to shave Bo’s belly for the ultrasound, and now he’s got a bare belly which is funny and sad. Did the ultrasound, and I knew it was probably bad news when the Doctor asked me to go into a private exam room. Funny, the first thing I thought was “in 6+ years of coming here, I’ve never been in this room. I wonder if this is the bad news room.” Doctor came in and said “I’m not going to sugar coat it” which kind of made my stomach fall out, and he went on to explain that Bo has a large “mass” on his liver. When he said large, he put his hands out in the shape of a cantaloupe. As is typical with me sometimes when bad news is delivered, I burst out laughing and said “oh, damn! that’s enormous!” He then went on to explain that he’d definitely recommend further tests, and a specialist and that surgery might have to happen, but it’s a very intrusive surgery and involved and for a dog his age, and for the cost, and and and…I kind of trailed off.

My Doc’s the best. He’s got perfect bedside manner. He’s eloquent and just a really good, caring guy. He’s going to come up with a full explanation and recommended course of action in the next few days. He said he’s open to talking it out with me as well, which I’ll take advantage of – definitely. 

So I don’t know what to do. The money’s not an issue, I’ve got a credit card with a high balance, and I’ve got insurance, as well – which – since this is totally out of nowhere, I’d HAVE to assume at least part, if not all, of a surgery would be covered. But Doc made sure to mention how hard the surgery is, and there’s the potential that Bo wouldn’t make it, and being a dog his age, etc…Pretty tough day.

Highlight of the day, though, was accidentally bumping the car in front of me on the way home because I was zoned out thinking of Bo, and the girl and I went to the side of the road, there was absolutely no damage, and the girl was like “are you okay?” I said, yeah, are you okay? And she’s like, yeah. Didn’t even leave a mark. I’m like…okay, so…and she’s like, I guess just have a good day! All smiles. She seriously made my day. Just a subtle reminder that there are a lot of good people out there like Doctor Mike, and random car girl who can present some good in a bad situation. More to come.