As you can imagine, nowadays Bo is pretty much at the center of my thoughts. With all the shit going on in the world, it feels petty to post something like this, but if I write about it, it tends to help clear my head just a little. Plus, I haven’t written a blog about him in a while, so I thought I would.
My parents came to visit a couple weeks ago. Though they don’t like LA, I had been up to Solvang at the beginning of the year with my friend, Eric, and I thought they might like it so I suggested they go there and they decided it’d be the right idea. Scott came down from Chico, too, so the whole fam damnily was together. When I first got Bo up in the car for the drive, I had all the seats down and his dog bed in the back to try and make sure he sat down for a while during the drive, but he hardly ever does – even though it’s quite tiresome for him to stand up the whole time. At the start of the trip, he walked right up to the space between the driver and passenger seat, and he literally was just watching out the window where I was watching/driving. He pushed my head forward while he looked out my drivers-side window. He pushed my head to the side so he could look out straight at exactly what I was looking at. It was a bit forced and adorable. We got to Solvang and the family was obviously very excited to see and talk to Bo. We had a great, relaxing 5 days full of talking and food and walks and even though Bo seemed to have never ending deadly gas, we just laughed and loved on him the whole time. We had a great place in Solvang, just my parents’ speed, with plenty of space to spread out in, and Bo wasn’t cramped at all. He was on vacation, too.
It was bittersweet, because at the end of the 5 days, it was time for Scott, Bo, and me to head down to LA. Scott was going to spend an extra 10 days at my place, and I needed to work the next day. I took Bo on a long walk, and mom’s sniffling, and dad’s stoic as usual, but as I got to the back of the car to lift Bo up into it, mom was talking to Bo and crying. Dad was petting him and smiling. Mom had actually spent a lot of time talking to Bo during the trip, which I think was good for her, and very sweet. But now that we’re leaving, it’s most likely the last time my parents are going to see Bo. I’m not terribly emotional, especially in public with people around, but I definitely got choked up. It was very difficult knowing that this is the last time they’re probably going to see Bo. Very very difficult.
Fast forward and Scott left my place after a nice, extended visit. He had a lot of one-on-one time with Bo as I had to work, so that was good. At the end of the trip, Scott got down on a knee and gave Bo a rub down and some affirming kind of “good pup” comments, and he was off. It’s more likely that Scott might see Bo again, but still not a sure-thing. Bo liked having Scott here. I have a tiny studio, and Bo slept right by Scott the whole trip. It was pretty funny. Aside from waking us up a few times, I think Bo was happy to have someone other than me to sleep by who he’s known for 12.5 years.
Bo woke me up multiple times in the night last night. He had a huge man-bark at one point that nearly made me shit myself, but he was just making sure I was around. I had him come up in bed with me and he went back to sleep. Then, this morning, he was freaking out at something – most likely having to do with his insides – and he was running around the bed and room and up and down the dogstairs I have at the foot of the bed until he finally just laid on me straightaway. He laid there for probably 10 minutes – not able to get any closer. He just wanted to be held and petted and loved on, and I of course obliged.
He’s slowing down. He’s noticeably thinner. He doesn’t have the energy he used to. But he’s still doing okay. He’s eating all the things – even more things now, honestly, because whatever I have, he gets some of. And treats galore. And cheese. All the things. He’s got a wet nose and a wiggly butt when he wants to get his butt scratched. Right now, as I type, he’s laying on the floor, dreaming. His feet are moving and his big fat belly is giving the impression he’s dream barking at something.
I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it more times than just now, but I’m going to be a basketcase when he’s done. It hasn’t been the best year (or past few years), honestly, and he’s always been a factor in helping it suck a little less. It’s very difficult out here in LA. I’m fortunate that I have solid friends, but the pictures I post or the words I write on the interwebs generally don’t elaborate on all the difficult days. Work is work. Everything’s expensive. And it’s nearly impossible to be pursuing this life I’ve chosen. There are no check boxes, really. Having acting or writing as a dream/career allows a person to be creative, but in my experience thus far, it’s daunting and exhausting. I rely on my friends a lot. Talking and hanging out keeps me going. Bo keeps me going. When he’s not a factor anymore, I think I’m going to take some time off and just go somewhere. When I went to Thailand, I was the most present I think I’ve ever been and it was wonderful. Maybe that’s just “vacation brain” but it felt different than any vacation I’ve taken. I also have been “an adult” for over 12 years because even if I do something dumb, or if I take a vacation, or if I’m irresponsible, there’s always been a part of me that has to think about Bo. Who’s going to take care of him if I’m on vacation? Who can I trust with him? What if I stay late at work? Am I going to come home to him having had an accident because I stayed away too long? When can I take him to the vet? What if something happens when I’m out? I’ve never had that “only me” mindset as an adult, and I think I need to do that for a little while. I don’t know what it looks like yet, but I think it needs to happen.